Wow, it's been a while since I last posted. What have I been up to? I'll tell you. I've picked up a degree in psychiatry. Yes, in just seven months, I picked up an Ed.D. in psychiatry from Cogswell Polytechnic, located in scenic Sunnyvale, California.

Cogswell has kind of a bad reputation, as a kind of unaccredited diploma mill that only survives because it convinces its students that it's some kind of pre-community college college that will prepare them for the harsh, uncaring world of two-year colleges. That's not entirely false. Actually, it's all true, but not quite in the way you'd think. Let's look at the individual claims, first.

Cogswell is, in fact, unaccredited. How can this be, you wonder? I admit, it sounds bad: think back to the last college math class you took. That class was accredited. The bar for accreditation must be pretty low. Well, accreditation is kind of like organic food in the United States. It's been corrupted by big business so that it no longer means much of anything. I mean, the McDonalds employee training program and KeyPoint Credit Union's KeyPoint University are both accredited institutions of higher learning in the same way that Safeway's produce that comes from giant industrial farms in China is organic. Cogswell is more like buying from a farmers' market stall, where they may not have paid the money to get the label, but they have vegetables that are far superior to anything you'd see in a major supermarket. And believe you me, Cogswell is full of vegetables.

Cogswell does, in fact, have a diploma mill. However, it's not as bad as you think. It's actually wind-powered, so it's eco-friendly. Their diplomas are printed using recycled ink and recycled paper, and every one entitles you to a one-time $0.50 discount on selected merchandise at the Cogswell Polytechnic Store.

That last part about convincing students it's some kind of pre-community college college is true, too. Their regular first-year experience program is a learning community that integrates math, English, and computer classes with an emphasis on proving that community colleges are harsh, evil places where students sit in massive lecture halls with thousands of other students and professors drone on and on about crazy-advanced topics like algebra and world history. Fortunately, since I was in their graduate program, I skipped this part.

So now that I've got a degree in psychiatry, I'm going to make the world a better place and turn a hefty profit at the same time. See, I'm going to open up a self-esteem ranch where I will convince rappers that they are actually worthwhile people. Clearly, daily affirmations have failed these people. They need something stronger. I've had plans to run an invertebrate ranch for a while, and now I can combine tasty invertebrates with wealthy but insecure rap stars. Three months of rustling wood, hitching wagons, and herding snausages should convince these folks that they have useful skills and are worthwhile people.

I guess I'll have to look for some land in California's inland valley, since (hopefully) it's cheaper out there than it is in the Bay Area. I'll also need some fencing, a couple of portable buildings, and a bunch of invertebrate eggs. Actually, I should go easy on the portable buildings, since I don't want to look too much like a school. Rappers will have to pay for their own food and rent lodging, mounts, and gear from me. I'll have to charge them a lot, since psychological research suggests that they'll value the experience more if they pay an absorbitant price for it. I want them to value the experience a lot, so they'll have to pay a lot for it. I can make the certificates of participation cheap, though. I can buy a bunch of used Cogswell diplomas and print my stuff on the back.

Please don't call Sgt. Crowley and his buddies stupid. I know that I'm an unlikely champion for the stupid people of this country, but clearly they can't defend themselves when it comes to a war of words. That's where I come in. The Cambridge PD aren't stupid. They're racist. It's a big difference. Some stupid people are racist and many (most? (all?)) racist people are stupid, but the two are not synoninaminous. This isn't even a case of squares and rectangles. If Crowley & Co. were stupid, they would have shown up to the wrong house and arrested a white guy. The fact that they made it to the right house suggests that they are not stupid.

Thanks.

I was going to start this post with a supremely awesome blinking scrolling chartreuse-on-black "Miss Kitty Special Report: Spoilertastic Transformers 2 Sneke Preview!" banner, but I've been informed that such a thing won't fly on LJ. At first, I thought it was some new kind of rule, but as it turns out, I can't entirely blame LJ for it. As it turns out, Amnesty International, Doctors Without Borders, and the UN Commission on Human Rights have jointly issued guidelines that specifically forbid this kind of thing. They were originally aimed at MySpace, but they were written in such a way that people at LJ are expected to comply with them, too. I'm not sure what enforcement of this policy is like. Can I expect a group from DWB to show up at my door? If so, I'll probably have to get them to say hi to each other and sneak away during the inevitable "Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor...." happens. You might want to check on these policies out the next time you have a big announcement. Anyhow, the supremely awesome blinking scrolling chartreuse-on-black "Miss Kitty Special Report: Spoilertastic Transformers II Sneaque Preview!" banner and the Miss Kitty Special Report: Spoilertastic Transformers II: Electric Boogaloo Sneac Preview" sneq preview report are all behind ( this UN-sanctioned cut. )

Everything else is behind ( this other cut. )

Some of you long-time Trekters out there may be holding off on watching Star Trek XI: Star Trek I because you are worried that the writers will pack every Trek cliche into a 127-minute film. This is a reasonable fear, given what happened to both American versions of Red Dwarf. You may remember how they packed every single joke from the first four seasons, or approximately 900 jokes, into each of the two awful pilot episodes. If you haven't seen them, they were complete disasters, doing to Red Dwarf what the Bush presidency did to human rights. Similarly, the 1991 film The Addams Family used both jokes from the TV series, although it turned out all right.

Let me tell you right off the bat that you don't need to worry. Yeah, some cliches, catch phrases, and running jokes made it in, but as a viewer, I wasn't crushed under the stampede. Here, to make you feel better, is a checklist.

General
It's green!
STATUS: not included
DESCRIPTION: Two characters are drinking with intent to cause long-lasting genetic damage. They run out of bathroom cleaning liquids and are about to go their separate ways when one of them finds a mysterous container of green liquid. The other asks what it is, and the first replies, "It's... it's green." They drink it.
REFERENCES: "By Any Other Name" (TOS); "Relics" (TNG)

Bones
Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a <CAREER>
STATUS: included
DESCRIPTION: Kirk asks Bones to do some trivial task, such as passing him a napkin at a restaurant, and Bones says, "Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a nuclear physicist!"
REFERENCES: "The Naked Time," "The Corbomite Maneuver," "The Galileo Seven," "Arena," "The City on the Edge of Forever," "Amok Time," "Catspaw," "Metamorphosis," "Friday's Child," "A Piece of the Action," "Return to Tomorrow," "Assignment: Earth," "Spock's Brain," "For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky," "The Empath," "Whom Gods Destroy," "The Way to Eden," "Turnabout Intruder" (TOS); "Once Upon a Planet," ""The Time Trap," "The Slaver Weapon," "The Jihad," "Albatross," "How Sharper Than a Serpent's Tooth," "The Counter-Clock Incident" (TAS); "The Wire" (DS9); "Phage," "Investigations," "Bliss" (VOY)

<NOUN/PRONOUN>'s dead, Jim!
STATUS: not included
DESCRIPTION: Someone dies in a spectacular fashion, like falling off a cliff, getting sucked out of an airlock, or riddled with 50-caliber bullets, and Bones uses his medical szzzzs to dramatically say something like, "Dumbledore's dead, Jim!"
REFERENCES: "Lurgi Strikes Britain," "Operation: Annihilate!," "Mirror, Mirror" (TOS)

Yo, dawg
STATUS: included
DESCRIPTION: Bones says to a patient recovering from surgery, "Yo, dawg, I heard you like <THING>, so I put a <THING> in your <VITAL_ORGAN> so you could <ACTION> while you <ACTION>."
REFERENCES: "The City on the Edge of Forever," "The Cloud Miners" (TOS); every episode of TAS; "Encounter at Farpoint" (TNG)

Kirk
Picard could kick Kirk's ass any day of the week
STATUS: included, since Kirk appears in this film
DESCRIPTION: Picard could kick Kirk's ass any day of the week.
REFERENCES: every episode of TOS; every episode of TAS; every episode of TNG

Pattern Kirk Epsilon
STATUS: included, barely
DESCRIPTION: Despite being labeled a tactical genius, Kirk forgets some basic aspect of starship combat, such as raising the shields or pointing the phasers the right way, and Enterprise gets the bejeezus blown out of it.
REFERENCES: "The Corbomite Maneuver," "Balance of Terror," "The Apple," "The Doomsday Machine," "The Ultimate Computer" (TOS); Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Janice Rand
Spitting and head-butting
STATUS: not included
DESCRIPTION: On TOS, Yeoman Rand had a nasty habit of spitting and head-butting people at just the wrong moment.
REFERENCES: "The Corbomite Maneuver," "The Enemy Within," "Charlie X" (TOS); Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

You Can Buy Anything at Jusco!
STATUS: not included
DESCRIPTION: Whenever anyone tries to impress Rand by showing her something neat, she informs them that she can get it at Jusco and probably pay less for it.
REFERENCES: "The Corbomite Maneuver," "The Man Trap," "The Naked Time," "Charlie X," "Miri," "The Conscience of the King" (TOS); "Flashback" (VOY); Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock

Mr. Scott
Laws of Physics
STATUS: not included
DESCRIPTION: Mr. Scott is asked to do something to prevent the ship from being destroyed. To make himself look better, he states "I canna' change the laws of physics" moments before he does whatever is needed to save the ship. Afterwards, he calls the bridge to ask, "Who da man? Who da man? Mr. Scott da man!"
REFERENCES: "The Cage," "Where No Man Has Gone Before," "Taked Time," "The Enemy Within," "What are Little Girls Made of?," "Balance of Terror," "Tomorrow is Yesterday,", "Errand of Mercy," "Who Mourns for Adonais," "A Private Little War" (TOS); "Relics" (TNG)

Giving it All She's Got
STATUS: not included
DESCRIPTION: Mr. Scott is asked to do something to preven the ship from being destroyed. To buy himself a little time while he finishes playing Contra: Shattered Soldier, he conjures up a dramatic voice and says, "I'm giving her all she's got!"
REFERENCES: "The Cage," "I, Mudd," "Wolf in the Fold" (TOS); "Relics" (TNG)

Nurse Chapel
Totally 'Shopped
STATUS: not included
DESCRIPTION: At an awkward moment, Nurse Chapel will shout out "That shit's totally 'shopped!" The most famous examples come from Star Trek: The Motion Picture, where she says it three times while the crew watch Schindler's List and no less than thirty-seven times (once every five minutes or so) while they watch the pod racing scene from Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace.
REFERENCES: "The Naked Time," "The Changeling," "A Private Little War," "The Paradise Syndrome" (TOS); "The Pirates of Orion" (TAS); Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Mr. Spock
DFAG
STATUS: included
DESCRIPTION: Mr. Spock responds to a situation by shouting one or more of "Drink!" "Feck!" "Arse!" and "Girls!"
REFERENCES: "The Cage," "The Menagerie, Part II," "Court Martial," "A Taste of Armageddon," "The Deadly Years" (TOS); "Yesteryear," "More Tribbles, More Troubles" (TAS); "Unification Part I" (TNG); Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

'Sup
STATUS: included
DESCRIPTION: Mr. Spock greets a higher-up in Star Fleet or some planetary leader by saying "'Sup?" Spock often tried to defend this practice: in "Journey to Babel," he spends a good five minutes constructing a proof that it is the most logical greeting in the universe.
REFERENCES: "Mudd's Women," "Miri," "Dagger of the Mind," "Shore Leave," "Journey to Babel" (TOS); "Yesteryear" (TAS); "Face of the Enemy" (TNG); Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Uhura
Thunderbirds
STATUS: not included
DESCRIPTION: Whenever we see Uhura while she is off duty, she is watching some episode of Thunderbirds. However, in an outtake from Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, we see her watching an episode of Gekigangar III.
REFERENCES: "The Conscience of the King," "Shore Leave," "The Omega Glory" (TOS); "The Lorelei Signal" (TAS); Star Trek I: The Motion Picture; Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Mr. Sulu
I'm Hikaru Sulu!
STATUS: included
DESCRIPTION: Whenever Sulu is introduced to someone (except Klingons - see "I'm Hikaru Sulu II!" below), he says "I'm Hikaru Sulu!" He then winks, grins, gives a finger shot with each hand, and makes a clicking noise.
REFERENCES: "Space Seed," "The Devil in The Dark," "The Apple" (TOS); "Mudd's Passion" (TAS); "Flashback" (VOY); Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

I'm Hikaru Sulu II!
STATUS: not included
DESCRIPTION: Whenever Sulu is introduced to a Klingon, he says "I'm Hikaru Sulu. You killed my father. Prepare to die!"
REFERENCES: "Errand of Mercy," "Friday's Child," "Elaan of Troyius," "Day of the Dove," "The Savage Curtain" (TOS); "More Tribbles, More Troubles," "The Time Trap" (TAS); Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country


Chekov
I'm Hikaru Sulu III!
STATUS: included
DESCRIPTION: Whenever Chekov is introduced to someone, he says "I'm Hikaru Sulu!" He then winks, grins, gives the finger with each hand, and makes a clicking noise.
REFERENCES: "Space Seed," "The Devil in The Dark," "The Apple" (TOS); "Mudd's Passion" (TAS); "Flashback" (VOY); Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

Salute!
STATUS: not included
DESCRIPTION: Whenever Chekov is about to leave a scene, he holds his hand in an "okay" sign above his forehead.
REFERENCES: "Who Mourns for Adonais," "I, Mudd," "The Trouble with Tribbles," "A Private Little War," "Spectre of the Gun," "The Demolished Man," "The Way to Eden" (TOS); Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

It's Actually Russian
STATUS: included
DESCRIPTION: Chekov often claims things that are clearly of Klingon origin, such as Romeo and Juliet and The Cherry Orchard, are, in fact, Russian.
REFERENCES: "Friday's Child," "Who Mourns for Adonais," "The Apple," "The Trouble with Tribbles" (TOS); Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country

I watched the new Star Trek movie today. Let me tell you, this is not my great-granduncle's Trek. That's actually good, since in his Trek, the crew of the Enterprise somehow rescued Gilligan and his friends. I'm not sure how that worked, but fortunately for all of you, you won't have to worry about it. That being said, I liked this. Some people have complained that they got Star Trek details wrong. If you hear somebody say that, you can tell right away that they need to brush up on their movie-watching skills. Perhaps some sort of film studies class would be in order. This isn't "getting some details wrong." This is a "reinstall." You Windows users out there should be familiar with it.

( Spoilers below! )

John McCain always calls himself a Maverick, but if you've been paying attention, you'll know this is a load of Bush. For those of you who haven't been paying any attention,

1. shame on you
2. he's no more a Maverick than Dan Quayle is Teddy Roosevelt.

McCain has never shown any of the style, wit, guile, wisdom, charisma, or honor that would qualify him as a Maverick, but I guess kids these days don't know that. I, on the other hand, have been fortunate enough to plant my butt on both a copy of a Maverick novel and a copy of the first issue of the Maverick comic book. Let me tell you this. McCain is no

• James Garner
• Jack Kelly
• Roger Moore
• Robert Colbert
• Charles Frank
• Mel Gibson

Heck, he's not even an Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.

Don't be fooled, kids.

I've been kind of busy getting Jaffa Community College up and running. I really thought it would be easy, but I was wrong. Where do I begin?

I've got union issues. I approve of unions, mind you, but even the best ones can get annoying. I've got four of them. One is for classified staff, like admissions & records people, custodians, secretaries, lab managers, etc. Their union is pretty cool, except that every time I correct the draft contract to refer to myself as "Your God, Miss Kitty," they change it to "management."

Then I've got the faculty union. First, they came from the United Auto Workers. Things were going okay until I noticed that they were trying to set up the same kind of system here as they have for grad students at UC Berkeley. I respect real unions too much to have one of mine be like UC Berkeley's, a mere fundraising arm of the UAW. We replaced them with a branch of the NFLPA. Big mistake there. Finally, some of the faculty formed their own union. They're good people, so I'm not too worried about that.

Unfortunately, I've also got a Jaffa union. Since some of my classified staff, some of my management, and about 75% of my faculty happen to be my Jaffa, this union tends to have some friction with the others. Our first Academic Senate meeting ended in a staff-weapon battle, and I'm pretty sure we aren't going to get our deposit back from the Olive Hyde Art Gallery. I knew we should have waited until we actually had our own building to hold a meeting.

There wasn't going to be a management union for a while. I asked them if they wanted one, but they seemed to think that a union to protect management from management would look strange. After the Senate thing, though, they all wanted better armor. That's not something I'm prepared to just hand out, so they formed a union to protect themselves from the faculty. This seems to be more like a Teamsters kind of union than any sort of collective bargaining union, but I'm sure things will work themselves out eventually.

Then there's money. As a school and a religious organization, JCC isn't taxed. Also, we don't have to worry about finding clever ways to scam extra apportionment money from the state the way other community colleges do. This means we don't have to pull stupid tricks like scheduling hour-long classes to be 65 minutes long just so we can get a 30% increase in our Full-Time-Ambivalent Students. On the other hand, we have this freedom only because we don't get any money from the state.

As I mentioned before, we don't yet have our own buildings. I sent a couple of Jaffa to try to capture Ohlone's office of financial aid and the registrationer, but it was a bust. Half of the people were so high that they didn't even notice. (They actually told one of the Jaffa that he had filled out his forms incorrectly!) The others were simply too clueless to surrender the place. They tried, but they couldn't seem to do it. We were meeting just down the street at the gallery, but I guess that's out now.

I'm also having trouble offering benefits. All the Jaffa get free health care. Even if that cretin John McCain wins and taxes health care, I'm pretty certain he won't tax a kitty in one's tummy. I wasn't sure, so I called his office and asked. They found the idea as laughable as I did. More, actually. Unfortunately, insurance companies are really squeamish, and once they find out we plan to use live energy weapons in most classes, life insurance costs go through the roof. I can't even get a reasonable quote on regular health insurance for non-Jaffa, who will mostly be like 50 yards or more away from likely staff-weapon discharges. I'm really disappointed with GEICO. They say they'll insure anything, but they really wont. At least I got a tasty gecko sandwich out of the debacle.

We haven't even touched IT yet. I was going to ask who wanted Macs or Windows or whatever, but after that Senate meeting, I think I'll wait. Heck, the fight started while they were talking about block scheduling. I'd lose most of my new hires if we got into a Mac/Windows/Linux argument. I'm also not sure what to do about a campus wireless network. I think students and employees should be allowed to bring their computers and other wireless gadgets from home, provided they enhance the JCC experience. Unfortunately, most of our classes (including all transfer-level classes) require OPSEC, and an open wireless network kind of wrecks that.

Speaking of John McCain, I hope he loses hard. I say this knowing full well that President McCain would traumatically increase enrollment at JCC, but I really hope Obama crushes him into the dirt this November. I realize it's odd to think that a Republican president would lead to increased enrollment in any school, but remember that (a) JCC is both a military and a religious school, (b) community college enrollment typically increases during economic downturns, and (c) when he destroys 99% of health insurance, we'll still offer a kitty in your tummy.

Fleet Action off the Southwest Coast of Spain

Part 3
In which the actual pawnzorationing of knobs takes place.

After that last round of psyching ourselves up, nothing much happened for maybe 20 minutes. We talked about Chairman Mao and some other stuff until a little after noon, when things finally got good again.

12:14:Cyan: Yeah, but if even the dude who delivered your enchiladas has heard of
12:14:HAPPYTIGER:
12:14:Cyan: Chairman Mao, and you haven't, we can safely say that you are just ignorant.
12:14:LoneWolf: NO WAI! that's obscure trivia
12:14:m_cat: Signal the fleet: Pawnzoriate the knobs!
12:14:Ichiko:
12:14:BillTehCat: Can I just say "Pwn them?" It's in the signal book.
12:14:HahnSolo1983 (Quarterdeck): The filter doesn't work like I thought.
12:14:m_cat: MAke it so.
12:14:HAPPYTIGER:
12:14:BillTehCat: pwn them, aye.
12:14:FredMarryat (Quarterdeck): Yeah, it just cuts words.
12:14:m_cat (Quarterdeck): How does she type it so fast?
12:15:Speedy:
12:15:HahnSolo1983 (Quarterdeck): She's probably got it hotkeyed
12:15:StephenJAubrey (Quarterdeck): how dod you do that?
12:15:HAPPYTIGER:
12:15:HahnSolo1983 (Quarterdeck): type / define and then the number you want and then "what you want"
12:15:FredMarryat (Quarterdeck): Cool.
12:15:FredMarryat: / define 1 "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weather_gauge, n00b"
12:15:FredMarryat: Sorry!
12:16:HAPPYTIGER:
12:16:BillTehCat: HAPPYTIGER just spoiled the next episode of BSG
12:16:StephenJAubrey: What was that?
12:16:HahnSolo1983: What happens?
12:16:CaptainPeacock: WTF?
12:16:Cylon: wtf whos shootin?
12:16:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: xXxEnterprisexXx fired one gun
12:16:m_cat: Signal xXxEnterprisexXx: cease fire.
12:16:BillTehCat: Cease fire, aye.
12:16:Cylon: n00bz
12:17:Speedy:
12:17:xXxEnterprisexXx:
12:17:m_cat: What did they say?
12:17:BillTehCat: I cant' use Translate Signals until I finish up sending these ones.
12:17:Cylon: fuck man ima get translate signals next lvl u suck
12:17:BillTehCat: Hell, I'll just look it up online.
12:17:Speedy:
12:18:BillTehCat: xXxEnterprisexXx signals "Leroy Jenkins on board. Sry."
12:18:m_cat: Affirmative.
12:18:Cylon: n00b
Filter in place for user Cylon
Words: n00b n00b! n00bs n00bz n00bs! n00bz!
12:18:m_cat: Time for bathroom breaks if you need them.
12:18:Cylon:
12:18:HahnSolo1983: Anyone played "I've GOt a Gun"?
12:19:Cylon: ??
12:19:HahnSolo1983: It's a new FPS/RPG hybrid.
12:19:LoneWolf: pc or console?
12:19:HahnSolo1983: Wii.
12:19:LoneWolf: il bet it sux. wii+console rpg ftl
12:19:HahnSolo1983: Well, it's sort of a hybrid of PC and console RPG games, too.
12:19:HahnSolo1983: There *is* a plot. You have an actual *character* rather than just
12:19:LoneWolf: yep sux
12:19:HahnSolo1983: an arm holding a gun, but you can also kill anyone, at any time, for
12:19:LoneWolf: hmm...
12:20:HahnSolo1983: any reason at all. Even during cut scenes.
12:20:LoneWolf: ne1? gotta b merchants
12:20:BillTehCat: He's right. Legally, you can't use the term RPG unless you can kill
12:20:HahnSolo1983: Let me put it this way. I killed the doctor who was fixing me up my
12:20:BillTehCat: shopkeepers.
12:20:BillTehCat: lolz
12:21:HahnSolo1983: first play through. And yes, you can kill merchants.
12:21:LoneWolf: sweet
12:21:HahnSolo1983: Usually if you want to skip plot you have to click through a bunch
12:21:HahnSolo1983: of dialog. With I've Got a Gun, you tear through it, guns blazing.
12:21:LoneWolf: thats the 1st game i want to have lotsa cut scenes
12:21:Cylon: Anyone played Jug Band?
12:21:FredMarryat: What?
12:22:LoneWolf: jug band roxz0rz!!! i play spoonz
12:22:LoneWolf: is like rock band but jug band
12:22:*+*Legolas*+*: What is a jug band?
12:22:LoneWolf: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jug_band
12:22:FredMarryat: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jug_band
12:22:LoneWolf: haha 1st
12:23:Cylon: I got the Action Pack, which includes washtub bass, spoons, kazoo, jug,
12:23:Cylon: banjo, guitar, washboard, harmonica, and guimbarde.
12:23:LoneWolf: basic pkg is jug spoons and guitar.
12:23:StephenJAubrey:<kosh>And so it begins</kosh>
12:23:*+*Legolas*+*: big guns on that one
12:23:.oOo.WiLlIaM NoRrInGtOn-SpArRoW.oOo.: yeah, ATeamVan looks nasty
12:23:Cylon: ateamvan cant shoot 4 shit
12:23:Cylon: firin 2 soon
12:23:HahnSolo1983: Hey, there's goign to be Jug Band for the Wii!
12:24:m_cat:Take us across ATeamVan's bow.
12:24:CaptainPeacock: Aye, sir
12:24:AmbrosiaSpike: Take a reef out of the mainsail!
12:24:Galactica69:
12:24:Galactica69:
12:24:Galactica69:
12:24:Galactica69:
12:24:LoneWolf: more polys on 360
12:24:Galactica69:
12:24:Galactica69:
12:24:Galactica69:
12:25:Galactica69:
12:25:AmbrosiaSpike: Somebodys got a real signal midshipman!
12:25:Galactica69:
12:25:BillTehCat: STFU
12:25:BillTehCat: Galactica69 signals, "ATeamVan sux."
12:25:FredMarryat: ROFL
12;25:HahnSolo1983: So it's easier to see that the art designers suck?
12:26:wilw: Hey, everybody.
12:26:Ichiko:
12:26:m_cat: Hey, Wil
12:26:Cylon: sup
12:26:DiscoWizard: hi wilw
12:26:ElfOfDeepshadow: glad ur finally here
12:26:SirLordBaronVonVaderham: welcome back
12:26:LoneWolf: willw u no who Chaimran Mao is?
12:27:FredMarryat: Hola, Wil.
12:27:ATeamVan:
12:27:StephenJAubrey: How you been?
12:27:wilw: Of course I know who Chairman Mao is.
12:27:Ichiko: Told you.
12:27:LoneWolf: u read 2 much
12:27:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: hi
12:27:HahnSolo1983: When will we be in range of ATeamVan?
12:27:wilw: I just made Jug Band my bitch with a washboard.
12:27:CaptainPeacock: about six mnutes minutes
12:27:DiscoWizard: thats enough for another round of katamari damacy brb
12:28:m_cat: dangit, DiscoWizard!
12:28:Cylon: agammenon gets 1 broadside in like 5 minutes those
12:28:DiscoWizard: ok, fine
12:28:FredMarryat: Lolz
12:28:HahnSolo1983: We get, what?
12:28:JeffVader: Like 3 in 5
12:28:m_cat: Venner, can one of your songs make us go faster?
12:28:Venner: Yep, "Rolling Down to Old Maui."
12:29:CaptainPeacock: Sweet thx
12:29:Venner: No problem.
12:29:Cylon: so shantymans r useful aftr all
12:29:Venner: Hold on, I think my Double Iron Concertina +7 would work better for this.
12:30:Ichiko: our shantymans, let me show you them
12:30:Cylon: venner u munch
12:30:Venner: Look, I've got one job on this ship
12:30:Venner: and I'm going to do it, okay?
12:30:Venner: It's a rough, tough life of toil and strife we whalemen undergo
12:30:Cylon: we just want buff not lyrics,
12:30:Venner: Uncultured lubber
12:30:Cylon: venner ur notmunch ur rper
12:31:m_cat: The Articles of War for this server say no excessive roleplaying.
12:31:CaptainPeacock: Awesome almost there
12:31:PatDemonKill (ATeamVan): How are you gentlemen!!
12:31:Ichiko (Speedy): stfu
12:31:Cylon (Speedy): STFU
12:31:DiscoWizard: SHUT UP!
12:31:Venner: Can somebody snipe him?
12:31:LoneWolf: on it
12:31:PatDemonKill (ATeamVan): All your base are belong to us.
12:31:JeffVader: Fucko ff or I'll kill you with this tray!
12:31:SirLordBaronVonVaderham (Speedy): Fuck off, or I'll kill you with this tray!
12:31:JeffVader: damn
12:31:Vados: Score!
12:31:LoneWolf: pwnt
12:31:Venner: Thanks.
12:31:Ichiko:
12:32:Vados: No prob
12:32:Cylon (Speedy): j00
12:32:Venner: Hey, why is it that hailing range is greater than musket
12:32:Venner: range, and both are greater than cannon range?
12:32:Bl4ck4ddz0r: i heard theyr going to fix that before betas' over
12:32:m_cat: STARBOARD GUNS FIRE!
12:32:Ichiko:
12:32:ElfOfDeepshadow: damn missed
12:32:DiscoWizard: w00t hit
12:32:ElfOfDeepshadow: u only hit mizzensail
12:32:*+*Legolas*+*: w00t hit mizzenMAST
12:32:ATeamVan:
12:32:*+*Legolas*+*: booya
12:33:SirLordBaronVonVaderham: ATeamVan didn't miss that time
12:33:BillTehCat: ATeamVan signals the whole stupid "All your base" thing, whihc I'm not going to recite.
12:33:m_cat: Good man.
BillTehCat has received 5,000 xp from the Captain.
12:33:*+*Legolas*+*: damn, last save point is buenos aires
12:33:-+-Kefka-+-: gun crew needs officer badly
12:33:*+*Legolas*+*: ne1 have res item?
12:33:Cylon: j00  res bottles dont work yet
12:33:m_cat: wilw, can you get beclow and command the gun crews?
12:33:wilw: No problem
12:33:*+*Legolas*+*: sry
12:33:-+-Kefka-+-: thx wilw
12:33:LoneWolf: heal plx
12:33:DiscoWizard: haha hit below waterline
12:33:LoneWolf: nm 2 late
12:34:iHEARTviggo: phone afk
12:34:-+-Kefka-+-: haha no jib 4 j00
12:34:m_cat: Marines concentrate on their riflemen
12:34:69MuSaShI69: np
12:34:+STriDer+ (ATeamVan): how u shoot cannon so fast?
12:34:m_cat: (Speedy): practice
12:34:+STriDer+ (ATeamVan): nowai ur haxiing
12:34:+STriDer+ (ATeamVan): i tell gm
12:34:ElfOfDeepshadow (Speedy): hax this
12:34:ElfOfDeepshadow: pwnt
12:35:VampyrePajamas: Nice use of cannister shot
12:35:69MuSaShi69: thx like half their 1/4dek dead
12:35:Cylon: gj
12:3:iHEARTviggo: shit i just got fired
12:35:ATeamVan:
12:35:wilw: Gun crews need cartridges badly.
12:35:Lady Turner-Norrington-Sparrow-Sephiroth-Potter: sry, was on AIM
12:35:m_cat: Are you supposed to be working today, iHEARTviggo?
12:35:ATeamVan:
12:36:iHEARTviggo: I guess I was.
12:36:GM-Barbossa: What's going on?
12:36:m_cat (GM Channel): ATeamVan thinks 3 broadsides in 5 minutes is cheating
12:36:+STriDer+ (GM Channel): speedy is haxing
12:36:Agamemnon:
12:36:BillTehCat: Agamemon signals "Heal plz"
12:36:GM-Barbossa: Speedy has better gunners. Make your time, ATeamVan.
12:36:VampyrePajamas: Damn, we needed that mast!
12:37:CaptainPeacock: Rudder doesn't answer!
12:37:Chandley:
12:37:Bl4ck4ddz0r: i tkae ur bra off
12:37:ElfOfDeepshadow: WTF?
12:37:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: Rudder's shot away
12:37:CaptainPeacock: X(
12:37:Bl4ck4ddz0r: sry wrong chat
12:37:+STriDer+ (ATeamVan): pwnt j00!!
12:37:ElfOfDeepshadow: battle now, cyber later.
12:37:Cylon (Speedy): even  get lucky sometime
12:37:Bl4ck4ddz0r: battle? all I do is hit f1 to swab gun every 1.5 minutes
12:37:wilw: Wives and sweethearts later. Don't make me quote the Articles of War.
12:37:KawaiiNekoHimeChanSama: I've got this pain in my leg.
12:37:Bl4ck4ddz04: all i do is hit f1
12:37:Chandley:
12:37:wilw: We gave better than we got:
12:38:wilw: looks like they took 3 below the waterline,
12:38:wilw: some rigging cut,
12:38:wilw: rudder damaged,
12:38:wilw: 1-2 guns hit.
12:38:Chandley:
12:38:Agamemnon:
12:38:BillTehCat: Agamemnon signals "Heal plx"
12:38:LoneWolf: ha shot their captin
12:38:wilw: KawaiiNekoHimeChanSama? You okay?
12:38:Venner: Should I switch from a speed song to an attack song?
12:38:wilw: Reloading buff, please.
12:38:m_cat: Reloading buff, Venner.
12:38:Venner: "Leaving of Liverpool" it is.
12:38:Cylon: wat evr jus don sng
12:38:Chandley:
12:38:wilw: Much appreciated.
12:39:BillTehCat: Chandley signals, "Iron Man is awesome."
12:39:StephenJAubrew (Quarterdeck): The carpenter says we have 3' water in the well.
12:39:wilw: The buff, that is.
12:39:xXxEnterprisexXx:
12:39:m_cat (to VampyrePajamas): How bad is it?
12:39:Dark Star:
12:39:BillTehCat: xXxEnterprisexXx acknowledges.
12:39:VampyrePajamas (to you): Water's four feet high and rising.
12:39:BillTehCat: Dark Star, too.
12:40:m_cat (Quarterdeck): HahnSolo1983, get some people at the pumps. Stat.
12:40:Agamemnon:
12:40:HahnSolo1983 (Quarterdeck): Stat aye, sir.
12:40:BillTehCat: Agamemnon signals "Heal pl0x"
12:40:.oOo.WiLlIaM NoRrInGtOn-SpArRoW.oOo.: Hildegarde's doing a number on Agamemnon
12:40:HahnSolo1983: Not sure who's commanding, but it'sno John Sheridan
12:41:FredMarryat: Lulz
12:41:wilw: KawaiiNekoHimeChanSama?

The fight went on for another half hour or so. Agamemnon struck at 12:47, and pretty much nobody could maneuver by 12:58, but we managed to carry the day. It took us another hour to get enough sail to take possession of our prizes, and then another two days to get back to Buenos Aires, pick up *+*Legolas*+* and a few others up, and sell the four ships.

The butcher's bill wasn't that bad. I think three people got fired, one missed a job interview, one missed the SAT and one missed the GRE, four people forgot to update their respawn points and got sent back to Buenos Aires again, and we still haven't heard anything else from KawaiiNekoHimeChanSama.

As you can see, this game has plenty of action. In fact, it's got so much action that games like StarCraft just can't compare.

Fleet Action off the Southwest Coast of Spain

Part 2
In which the action heats up and we prepare for battle.

Combat hasn't started yet, but you can see my elite crew begin to psych themselves up and get into the right mindset in this short usurpt. Note the results of my amazing leadership skills.

11:47:m_cat: All right! Time to pawn some knobs!
11:47:Ichiko: Rock!
11:47:m_cat: ...Sure.
11:47:m_cat: Signal the fleet: JAFFA! KREE!
11:47:StephenJAubrey (Quarterdeck): that's like 8 times today shes said rock!
11:47:BillTehCat: Kree, aye.
11:47:FredMarryat (Quarterdeck): Just set up a filter.
11:47:HahnSolo1983 (Quarterdeck): How?
11:47:StephenJAubrey (Quarterdeck): srsly? how?
11:47:FredMarryat (Quarterdeck): type / filter (one word) then
11:47:FredMarryat (Quarterdeck): Ichiko then {words you want to filter}
Filter in place for user Ichiko
Words: Rock!
11:48:m_cat (Quarterdeck): Thanks.
11:48:HahnSolo1983 (Quarterdeck): Thanks!
11:48:Speedy:
11:48:VampyrePajamas: Yeah, so anyhow, no shit, there I was,.
11:48:VampyrePajamas: trying to get out of the Ukraine.
11:48:VampyrePajamas: My friend had Northern and Southern Europe
11:49:Speedy:
11:49:VampyrePajamas: Too many armies in Ural, Afghanistan, and Middle East
11:49:FredMarryat: OMG, what ever did you do?
11:49:VampyrePajamas: I had to take Scandinavia and Iceland to get to
11:49:Speedy:
11:49:VampyrePajamas: Greenland.
11:50:Speedy:
11:50:FredMarryat: My word, what a struggle that must have been!
11:50:VampyrePajamas: You have no idea. Scandinavia had like VI armies on it!
11:50:FredMarryat: Good God, man! How could you take that risk?
11:50:m_cat (to FredMarryat): You're making it worse.
11:50:VampyrePajamas: Well, I threw all my troops into it, picked up the dice,
11:50:FredMarryat (to you): Sorry. At least it's not about LARPs anymore.
11:51:Speedy:
11:51:m_cat (to BillTehCat): How much xp do you need to max out Send Signals?
11:51:VampyrePajamas: and rolled a six and a four.
11:51:VampyrePajamas: Dave rolled a three and a one! I'm, like, "score, sucker!
11:51:BillTehCat (to you): sorry - two more levels, maybe 35,000 xp
11:51:Speedy:
11:52:VampyrePajamas: So now I'm in Scandanvaia, and it's just Iceland in my way.
11:52:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: Pizza delivery - AFK
11:52:VampyrePajamas: Dude on Iceland is like, "Oh, shit!"
11:52:Speedy:
11:53:~~=Wm Norrington=~~:Mmm... octuple meat with a cheese-stuffed crust
11:53:StephenJAubrey: octupal meat? WTF?
11:53:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: It's awesome. There's beef, pork, chicken,
11:53:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: sausage
11:53:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: hamburger, i guess
11:53:Speedy:
11:53:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: bacon
11:53:Speedy:
11:54:VampyrePajamas: Aren't those both beef?
11:54:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: ostrich
11:54:BillTehCat: Hey, when do you use a pooled t-test?
11:54:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: really?
11:54:HahnSolo1983: That's what hamburger usually is.
11:54:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: and duck
11:54:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: Oh, I thought you were talking about bacon.
11:54:HAPPYTIGER:
11:54:FredMarryat: When elements of your data come in pairs, like before and after
11:55:m_cat: I commandeer this pizza in the name of Great Britain.
01:55:FredMaryat: or left hand/right hand or something like that.
11:55:m_cat: and Northern Ireland.
11:55:JeffVader: Do you have a flag?
11:55:m_cat: Yes.

Fleet Action off the Southwest Coast of Spain

Part 1
In which we have discovered a strange fleet.

Since the logs of the time we stole HMS Victory seem fairly popular, I thought I'd share with you even more of our amazing adventures. This one took place a day or so after rollback.

06:07:.oOo.WiLlIaM NoRrInGtOn-SpArRoW.oOo.: Sails two points off starboard bow!
06:07:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: Sweet.
06:07:m_cat: How many?
06:07:FredMarryat: We have the weather gauge. ROFL
06:07:.oOo.WiLlIaM NoRrInGtOn-SpArRoW.oOo.: Three, I think.
06:07:~~=Wm Norrington=~~: pwnt
06:07:.oOo.WiLlIaM NoRrInGtOn-SpArRoW.oOo.: Make that four. One is quite small, and the other three don't look that big.
06:07:*+*Legolas*+*: Wppt!
06:07:*+*Legolas*+*: ^W00t!
06:07:Cylon: wtf is whether gage?
06:07:FredMarryat: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weather_gauge, n00b
06:08:Cylon: stfu
06:08:FredMarryat: STFU, n00b!
06:08:m_cat: Belay that STFUing!
06:08:Cylon: sry
06:08:FredMarrayt: Sorry.
06:08:m_cat: Signal the fleet: Form order of sailing in two columns.
06:08:BillTehCat: two columns aye
06:09:JackVincent: So did anybody catch the last episode of Lost?
06:09:Cylon: that was awesome where do they come up with this stuff??
06:09:JackVincent: Crack?
06:09:JeffVader: Know what's so great about crack?
06:10:JeffVader: It's crack!
06:10:Speedy:
06:10:iHEARTviggo: im dl'ing lost now don't spoil
06:10:JackVincent: sry
06:10:Cylon: so you don't want me to tell you who died
06:10:Cylon: just kidding
06:11:HAPPYTIGER:
06:11:BillTehCat: HAPPYTIGER acknowledges
06:11:Hildegarde:
06:11:BillTehCat: Hildegarde acknowledges
06:11:Galactica69:
06:11:xXxEnterprisexXx:
06:12:BillTehCat: Galactica69 and xXxEnterprisexXx acknowledge
06:12:m_cat: Starboard watch, go below and get some food. Be back in 15 minutes.
06:12:iHEARTviggo: aye SIR!
06:12:Britannica:
06:12:m_cat: Port watch on deck!
06:12:Ichiko: Rock!
06:12:BillTehCat: Finally, Brittanica acknowledges
06:12:Ichiko: ^Aye, sir!
06:12:m_cat: Signal the fleet: Bear up and sail on course ENE.
06:12:BillTehCat: course ENE aye.
06:13:m_cat: Make our course ENE
06:13:CaptainPeacock: ENE aye
06:13:Cylon: ima get me a sammich
06:13:m_cat: Be sure you come back
06:13:Cylon: np is just in fridge
06:13:Speedy:
06:14:iHEARTviggo: 3 minutes til i get lost
06:14:iHEARTviggo: ne chance theres enough time 2 watch it b4 fight?
06:14:JeffVader: Does it have commercials?
06:14:iHEARTviggo: prolly not
06:14:m_cat: Either way, yes.
06:14:Speedy:
06:15:Cyan: Captain, as a weedy naturalist, I must insist that you delay combat until such time
06:15:Cyan: as I have had a chance to explore those islands over there. Who knows what kind of
06:15:Cyan: interesting creatures might live there.
06:15:m_cat: We started talking about combat like ten minutes ago. Where were you then?
06:15:Cylon: yea what took u so long? u usuall wine at first sign of combat
06:16:Cyan: Sorry, I was playing Starcraft in campaign mode, and Kerrigan just died.
06:16:JackVincent: Oh, god. He's going to cry again.
06:16:iHEARTviggo: No! Please, no. We don't need that again.
06:16:.oOo.WiLlIaM NoRrInGtOn-SpArRoW.oOo.: Again? What happened?
06:16:Cylon: cyan cried when palom and porom died in ff4 and totally wrekt our day
06:16:Cyan: That's a lie.
06:16:Cylon: dude i have transcript
06:17:m_cat: Post it and I have you trhown overboard.
06:17:Cylon: ill im u if u want transcript
06:17:Ichiko: You don't want it. Trust us.
06:19:Cyan: So about those islands I insist on exploring.
06:19:m_cat: You know, this is a RP-light server.
06:19:Cyan: Naturalists are an exception to those rules. YOu know that as well as I.
06:19:Cyan: Besides, now that they've got custom AI working, we might find some really sweet
06:19:Cyan: pets. Who knows?
06:20:m_cat: They broke pets last week after rollback. You can't eat them anymore.
06:20:Cyan: That's why I want to get some now. That and the AI.
06:20:m_cat: We can't eat the pets we capture, and the xp will almost certainly be better in
06:20:Cyan: It's not all about XP, you know.
06:20:m_cat: a fleet battle than on a couple of tiny islands. I'm sorry, but I just can't
06:20:Cylon: yes it is
06:20:InFeStEdBoRg: no its about drops 2
06:20:m_cat: justify losing those ships to explore your islands. We'll come back if we have
06:20:m_cat: time.
06:21:Cyan: What about discovery? The wiki doesn't have any details on these islands.
06:21:m_cat: I command a privateer ship, not a king's ship. My crew wants XP, drops, and
06:21:m_cat: zeny, and they want them now. We do not have time for your damned hobbies,
06:21:m_cat: sir!
06:21:m_cat: Tell the fleet to prepare for battle.
06:21:BillTehCat: Prepare for battle, aye.
06:22:.oOo.WiLlIaM NoRrInGtOn-SpArRoW.oOo.: Wait, king's ships aren't all about xp, zeny, and
06:22:.oOo.WiLlIaM NoRrInGtOn-SpArRoW.oOo.: drops?
06:22:*+*Legolas*+*: King's ships are all about spit and polish and fancy paint
06:22:*+*Legolas*+*: jobs and "correct" English.
06:22:*+*Legolas*+*: At least the ones I've served on.
06:22:Ichiko: Yeah, on HMS Namur, you'd get whipped for like 50 HP and 3,000 xp
06:22:Ichiko: if you used "they" as third-person singular
06:22:FredMarryat: Well, it is gramatically incorrect. It's like using "pwnt" in formal
06:22:FredMarryat: writing.
06;22:Speedy:
06:22:Cyan: Actually, third-person singular they was used by a number of famous authors
06:23:Cyan: throught history.
06:23:m_cat: Including the Bard, himself, I believe.
06:23:Cylon: yea shakespeare in romeo& juliet
06:23:Cylon: friar l: arise one knocks good romeo hide thiself
06:23:Cylon: romeo: not i unles the breath ofhartsick groans
06;23:Cylon: mistlike enfold me from teh srch of eyes
06:23:Cylon: *knock*
06:23:Cylon: friarr l: hark how they knock!
06:23:Cylon: wm makepeace thackary 2 in vanity fair
06:24:Cylon: "a person cant help their birth" rosalind replied
06:24:Cylon: u c it has long history iz just st00pid english teachers whine about it
06:24:LoneWolf: sigular they is all feminast conspiricy like herstory
06:24:Cylon: stfu, n00b. u think shakespere was feminist conspiratz0r?
06:24:Cylon: altho herstory is stupid. is done mostly 2 draw awareness 2 masculan
06:24:Cylon: dominanc of linguistic deffaults like always replacing man with woman
06:24:Cylon: like chairman/chairperson to chairwoman most ppl think sounds odd
06:24:Cylon: but isnt any odder than chairman just not what we r used 2
06;25:Cylon: history tho not the same cuz "his" is not morpheme for male posesive
06:25:Cylon: history is anglisiz0red latin "historia"
06:25:Cylon: historia is latiniz0red greek "histor" meaning knowing
06:25:Cylon: n00b
06:29:m_cat: I'm not sure what the hell just happned there.