I can't take the stupidity of this country anymore. Unfortunately, there seems to be a run on tickets to Canada. I've got about $8.25, so they're going to be a bit out of my price range. I do, however, have a plan. I'll need to find a well-off hyena in a Canadian zoo that would like a witty cat for a friend. This hyena could pay for my ticket to Canada and we could meet.
I know full well that they hyena won't be paying for my ticket just because he/she wants a friend. No, sir. I know that trick. I designed
that trick. The hyena will pay for my ticket because he/she thinks I'll make a tasty snack. Hyenas don't get a lot of unagi or other treats in the zoo. The hyena plans to meet me before I've had a chance to recover from jet lag and then eat me. However, the one thing I know that I suspect the hyena doesn't is that the difference in time zones between here and Canada isn't enough for serious jet lag. Plus, I'll nap during the flight. That'll help, since I'll probably be going east. I'll act all jet lagged, and when the hyena is about to make a move, I'll suckerbite him/her. Then, with a full belly and a full wallet, I'll seek my fortune in the great land of Canada.
I could probably get a job writing a column for a newspaper. I don't want to write about the United States. That's just too depressing. However, I'm pretty familiar with Canadian issues. I could probably get a dozen columns on why Taiwan isn't really a part of Canada. I mean, there's been very little cultural exchange since the Nationalists fled there in 1949. They don't even use the same writing system!
Surely I could say something inciteful about the national sport. I mean, lawn darts is a very zen game. There's a lot of philosophy to get into.
I could write for months on "Canadian Cool." For those of you who don't know, Canada is well on its way to being the pop-culture powerhouse of North America. While it's not the top (Saint Lucia is still clinging to first place, but not for long.), it's almost certainly in the top three.