( In here. )

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I wanted to apologize for having to give you two baths today because you took it worse than I imagined you would. So perhaps next time I give you the freedom of roaming outdoors, please do not roll around in the dirt because I do not wish for my white comforter to become filthy when I let you inside.

I also wanted to thank you for the company and companionship you both give to me. I'd probably feel very lonely without you boys. Even though my actions do not show it, I find it cute that you like to sleep on my face, Chief.
When either of you cuddle with me is one of my favorite things in the world.

Although, you both annoy me sometimes, I'll always love you.

Love, your mother

Coco,

My little black bundle of joy, even when you are an obnoxious little bugger about things. Even when you're using my desk as your own personal launchpad to reach my top bunk, where you then go to curl yourself up in my clothes.

Also, you seem to be an alarm clock of sorts. In the morning, I can hear mom going "Quit it, Coco!" as you're no doubt making some manner of mischief for her. You seem to be rather fond of ankles for some reason.

My favourite memory of you to date, thus far, is when I ordered a pizza, and you jumped to eye level with the pizza dude as he arrived. XD However, you still cannot has pizza, young man. Or cheezburger, for that matter.

And no, my niece is not your personal scratching post! >_< One more scratch on the wee tot, and not even I can help you escape my sister's wrath. Now square yourself away on that count, young man!

Also, slow down on the Friskies, boy. And yes, we'll get more when it runs out.

Much love,

Jamie

Dear Vinny,
You are my little baby and always will be. You follow me around the house, sit with me while I cross stitch, video game, draw or write. In fact I jokingly call you my muse when you perch on my computer. You love entertaining guests, so long as they aren't the maintanence man, by endless rounds of rolling about, showing off your tuxedo markings, and mewing to be petted incessantly. I'm even proud to own a cat that WILLINGLY plays fetch, although I know those neighbor cats probably give you a bad time about how UN-CAT like it is.

But at 5 years old, I REALLY wish you'd start acting your age a little bit more. You know, stop tearing around the house and demanding everyone pay attention to you RIGHT. THIS. SECOND. when they are doing something. You know, like when I'm trying to work on a piece of art or finish that book chapter, it would be great not to have to thwart your attempts for attention that risk YOUR safety. OH like chewing on my computer POWER CABLE for example.

Yes I think you are DARLING, but NO I don't think it would awesome for you become crispy! Nor do I appreciate having to chase you off my roommates desk when you decide to knock over everything in an attempt to have someone play with you, when we've BEEN playing with you ALL EVENING and all DAY!

Aren't cats supposed to SLOW down as they age? You're FIVE! A 3rd of the way through your average life span! And while I hope you live into your TWENTIES, I thought that you would grow out of being a KITTEN already!

Also, while I understand you REALLY REALLY want in my bedroom to sleep next to me you and I BOTH know that come 3am I would be awakened by your mewing for playtime when I need to wake up for work at 7am so..umm NO, you are not allowed in my room.

I'm sorry,
But I love you my ball of fluff

Dear Echo,

My beautiful, little Siamese, please understand that we love you very much. We accepted you, sight unseen, when you were an orphaned at only two weeks old. We bathed you, fed you, and weaned you. Your big, old dog even began lactating for you. You can normally get away with anything with any of us and I'll concede that point.

However, we're about to move out of state and Mom is going on about three hours of sleep. When she announced she was going to bed at 9:00pm that did not mean you were free to begin annoying her at 11:00pm. Now is not the time to practice your yodeling, cup hockey, or free-climbing on the boxes in Mom's room. It's also not the appropriate time to express your dismay over the changes in the house by urinating on things.

You are just going to have to accept sleeping in your sister's carrier tonight. You awakened the dragon and I would rather you not repeat the performance. In fact, self-preservation dictates I control you lest she unleash her ire on me.

So please, enjoy the plush confines of that expensive carrier. When I know mom isn't going to come out of her room screaming like a jet engine at three paces, I'll let you out. Until then, please stop complaining and clawing at the doors of the carrier.

Your loving owner,
- Sally

Severus,

I love you. You know I do. I mean who else will scratch your belly for hours on end, or not bitch when you sit on their boobs? But could you please stop eating my blinds when I'm not looking? Seriously. It's not good for you, I promise. I'm sure the little bits of plastic are fun to bat around and play with but you have like a billion toys AND Bob to play with. And that plastic is going to make you sick - I'm not taking it away from you to be mean I swear.

Plus I'm pretty sure the neighbors don't want to see your mother's naked ass when she changes clothes...or when she's entertaining a caller.

Hopefully we can work through this, because heaven knows I love you, my little Potions Master.


<3 Your Mom

Did I tweet yesterday? I did!

• 10:47 Plague season is surely upon us. #

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Sequoia the kitten, ladies and gentlemen!

To celebrate the first of December and the fact that I got paid, I went and got a little Netbook. It is hard to type on but it's good to be back in the land of 'puter. It also has enough ports that I can plug everything into, I just have to find batteries for my wireless mouse is all.

The big 'puter has issues, probably roughly around the cost of Netbook issues, so I got the netbook now as my instant gratification and I'm going to worry about getting the 'puter fixed later.

I'm back. I missed you all.

move along..nothing to see here

• 05:45 Dear November..thank you for leaving. 30 days or so too late, but thanks anyway #
• 13:12 Apologies to November. Lay offs announced for January. The hits just keep coming. #

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Binx,
I love you. I really do. But I swear to sweet Jesus, you're a secret agent panther. I tried to give you your de-worming medicine, and you nearly took my arm off. I really don't appreciate that, but, figured it was your way of telling me 'I'm gonna continue eating mice, birds and geckos no matter what, just give it up already, ya twit.' I wanted to apologize for stranding you in my room during the earthquake two years ago. I really didn't mean to, the corkboard fell and blocked the doorway. You remember that loud annoying sound? That was the hacksaw tearing a hole in my door to get you out. Thanks for being a trooper. Now, your new roommate just annoys me at 4 in the morning by getting her claws stuck in the hole that's duct-taped closed. I do have a question though, why is it that I saved you from the local Humane Society, and the earthquake, and yet you STILL love the neighbor more than me? You're always going to his house, staying the night there, when I'm the one cleaning your litter box and letting you out at six in the morning and staying up until 3 to try and bring you back in. I feel betrayed, like a third wheel. I bet it's because I leave you at the kennel for two weeks every summer to go to California. But. I love you. Keep those mice out of the house, bby. Btw, stay safe. I see you crossing the street all the time, and you have no idea how common roadkill is here. Stay out of the FUCKING STREET. D:

Izzy,
You're only about 6 months old, but you are an annoying little shit. Yes, yes you are. But. You're MY ADORABLE annoying little shit that's full of love. You're fuzzy and warm and you wait until the latest hours of the night for me to go to lay down and tuck in, and you walk all over my boobs JUST to get some loving. And I secretly like that. (Except when I'm PMSing, cause then my boobs hurt like a mofo.) I thank my boyfriend every once in a while for bringing you to me. You're literally our practice child, and he loves you as much as I do. You need to regulate your digestive system though, pookie. Jesus Christ. You take a poo at 3 in the morning and wake up EVERYONE in the house by nearly making them blow chunks at your stench. How could something so small be so stinky? I may never know. Binx was NEVER as stinky as you. And when you get it all over yourself, don't wipe it on my stuff. PLEASE. I'm SO GLAD I caught you before you tried wiping yourself on my textbooks, those are expensive. Stop messing with the Christmas tree. You can lay under it, you can CLIMB it, but STOP knocking off ornaments. You're pissing mom off. And stay off the counter during Christmas. Every other season is fine, just stay out of the kitchen period. And hiding in the bathtub while I'm peeing? Cute, real cute. I'll see you at 1am when I finally to sleep.
<3 Momma

Dear Justin,

You are currently snoozing away on my feet. I love you to death, fickle kitty. You love only once in a while, but when you love someone, you love me, for that I feel special for. You mew to go outside all day even though we don't want you out in the cruel world, that is all it takes to make you happy, is a romp outside.

Right now I wonder if you know I am talking about you, because your tail is twitching in your sleep. Silly kitty.

I have been so happy that you have spent every night with me for the past three days. This only happens on occasion, but the first night I brought you in here and you stayed put with me until I awoke in the morning, which you promptly wanted to cuddle because I had to be somewhere. Then last night, I walk around looking for you, calling your name, and when I get back to my room, there you are, already sleeping. This morning you were on my feet, and when my alarm went off you mewed at me and wanted a cuddle, of course. Tonight I just had to walk into my room, not even call you, and you were waiting. Such a good boy. I love you even though you don't like our kitten, and don't like being inside. You're obnoxious when you just walk around and meow miserably all day, but you're a good boy.

Mischa - my first kitten ever -
I picked you out from the barn cats for my happy birthday to me. I wanted to bond with you, communicate in our own private language, but you chose him instead.
I spoke confidence and courage to your timid heart. I escorted you to the litter box when the fat bitch cat wouldn't let you get to the stairs. I allowed you to have the first cold drink of my ice water before bed. I played fetch with you in the middle of the night when you dropped hair elastics on my face. And still you stretch out on his legs during prime time.
I call your name and you run under the sofa. He needs only to pat his leg and look askance and you follow him around the house.
If I weren't such a cat myself I would be offended. But you are mine and I will always love you, always feed you and always be armed with Urine Gone for your unfortunate squirts of piss when the big cats scare you silly.

Overturned cups,
undermined glasses;
toppled so they shatter

Upended crockery,
Unpotted plants;
dirt and other matter

Letters astray,
Bills culled and carried;
a paper stack scattered

If I only spoke
a smattering of cat
and we could natter
over this and that

We could discuss
the splattering,
and tattering,
the stain, and tear,
and battering

Though I think
you'd probably
find it flattering.

Dearest Maddux,

I know you're currently starting at the front door waiting for me to walk in and give you food. Alas, I am still at the library.

You see, Mom is trying to survive the first semester of 1L. Do you know what that means? Probably not. It means that I'm currently writing a legal memo justifying my argument for cutting animals out of the Constitution. That's right. I'm distinguishing your rights from mine. I'm really sorry about that, sweet boy.

You see, if I get an A and then pass my exams later this month, I'm on my way to doing well in law school. That means that when I graduate in two and a half years, I can get a decent paying job (or just a job at this point) and maybe we can move out of that 320 square foot room you're currently in while you wait for me.

Stay patient, my dear. In a couple of weeks I'm going to traumatize you when I take you on a plane to Grandma's house for Christmas. You remember Grandma, right? She's the small lady who stops by a couple times a year and spoils you by getting up early in the morning to give you food and sneaks in treats and toys.

I'll be home in an hour. I know you'll be up.

Love,
Mom

I love you and always will, but if you keep waking me up at insane hours of the morning, because you somehow managed to climb on top of the TV or to some other insane place, I'll seriously consider killing you and using your sorry arse to make soup!

Ah! and ps: I know you don't like your 'younger brother Alvini' honestly I don't either, since he keeps peeing anywhere he wants and eats anything he finds... but please try not to kill him just to prove your alpha status.

Love,
Your adoring mistress Scalvim

Dear Libby,

I don't know what it is with your box obsession, but it's pretty darn funny watching you try to fit into that tiny shoe box I got my flats in. And then proceed to take a nap. It looks pretty cozy, but not my thing.

I'm glad you enjoy the large box that our car seat came in. It was sad to watch you jump 3 feet or so to try to get into it, so we cut a hole on the side for you. It's a perfect escape from the dog.. or an attack position. Whatever works for you.

Love, Me

Dear Felicia FLEA-sha,

Thank you for always waking me up 5:30 AM.
Now, I'm never late for school because of you. :D

But, could you wake me up in a way that DOESN'T turn me into your scratching post?

Thanks. <3

Love,
Mommy

P.S. You and daddy snore too loud.

Dearest GIR,

I'm sorry I haven't been able to see you much since April. Living on my own is proving to be difficult. I have a feeling you wouldn't like it so much here anyways. It's a little cramped, and there are a bunch of strays outside, though I know how much you love beating them up. <3

But I promise I'll come visit you again soon, and when I finally move into a more spacious home and have more money to spare, I promise you can come eat my food and sleep on my face again.

Also, stop peeing in the sink. You nearly gave me a heart attack when your grandmommy called me and said something was wrong with you. You know that grandmommy isn't very bright, GIR-bear, so stop doing weird things like that!

Missing you every day,
Mommy. <3

Dear Phoenix,

Even though at night you can't understand the concept of sleep, only the concept of 'bounce off the walls time', you drool immensely when you're happy, you're so floppy it's as though you have no bones whatsoever and you constantly have an expression of dopey confusion and/or absolute awe on your face,
I'm terribly glad I spent eight years begging for you.
Even when, at 3am, you decide it's fun to play 'leap from the ceiling onto Rani's face'.
Yes, m'dear, even then.
By the way - the kink in your tail is gorgeous.

Much love.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday.

I know your Queen Cat of the entire village, and you have the mighty duty of patrolling the lands, but please, don’t go into other peoples’ homes and eat all their cats’ food.

You're scaring the nieghbors' cats...Especially Tipper.

Dear Delphi,

I think there has been some confusion as to your identity. You are not a dog: please stop chasing your tail and running headlong into the walls.

Thank you,
your concerned mom

apparently you can read one while knitting. Because you don't have to hold the pages open.

now I want one. fuck.