I've read more about nunneries, and the more I learn, the more I realize I'm not interested. Plus, I think I've missed rush week by a few months. Anyhow, I've got my witty response prepared. I don't want to get hit by l’esprit d’scalion, after all. Let me know what you think:

I AIN'T GETTIN' MYSELF TO NO NUNNERY! I PITY THE FOOL WHO TRIES TO GET ME TO A NUNNERY!

I got into an argument with one of the doofusi with whom I live, and in the end he shouted, "Get thee to a nunnery!" At first I wasn't that concerned, but when he calmed down, he explained that it was for my own protection. I was quite aware that this isn't Hamlet. We're not in Canada's Elsinore Brewery and thus, I reasoned, I was not in danger of falling into water and thus ending my life. I'm not really into the watery death thing, after all. "I'm Miss Kitty, not Ophelia," I said, but he explained that "Ophelia" was an example of bad transliteration from Canadian to English. Canadian, as you might know, uses characters to represent whole words rather than letter sounds, so people make mistakes. "Ophelia" is really "O Feline," in the same way that "Peking" is really "Beijing" and "Nova Scotia" is really "New Scotland." Anyhow, now that I know that Hamlet was talking to a cat, I'm a lot more worried.

The solution, of course, is to pick a nunnery and hurry off to it. Which one, though? There are so many and I know nothing about them. All I've heard are rumors, and they aren't that complimentary. I tried a Google search, but it brought up a site that required some sort of dumbass plugin for my browser. No dice there. Then, since nunnery is just the female version of a monkery, which linked to a bunch of questionable sites. I suspect that it is a secret place where all of those Shaolin monks train, so naturally the web is full of fake monkery sites to throw off potential Ancient Enemies of the Shaolin who might try to Google them. One site did suggest that "monkery" meant "a monastery," which is something I have heard of before. I know that Oda Nobunaga killed everyone affiliated with the monastery on Mt. Hiei in 1571. Apparently the monks were causing trouble, partying, raping people, and generally lowering the tone of the neighborhood. Pretty much the same thing has been said of nuns, though. They spend their time drinking with their fellow sisters, vomiting, cheating on tests, and trying to get noticed by monks at parties.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. I don't want to die in water, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for a nunastic life. Can I get a little help here?