I think I'm getting things lined up for my trip to Canada. I've met a very nice hyena on the internet, and I think he's going to pay for my ticket. His name is Herbert. He's a striped hyena who lives in Jungle Cat World, Orono, Ontario. He says he's an avid reader of my work and is eager to meet me.

( Herbert, don't read this part. It could be about your birthday or something like that, and you wouldn't want that surprise spoiled, would you? )

Anyhow, I'm excited about this trip.

I can't take the stupidity of this country anymore. Unfortunately, there seems to be a run on tickets to Canada. I've got about $8.25, so they're going to be a bit out of my price range. I do, however, have a plan. I'll need to find a well-off hyena in a Canadian zoo that would like a witty cat for a friend. This hyena could pay for my ticket to Canada and we could meet. ( If you are a hyena or are friends with a hyena, please don't read this! )

I could probably get a job writing a column for a newspaper. I don't want to write about the United States. That's just too depressing. However, I'm pretty familiar with Canadian issues. I could probably get a dozen columns on why Taiwan isn't really a part of Canada. I mean, there's been very little cultural exchange since the Nationalists fled there in 1949. They don't even use the same writing system!

Surely I could say something inciteful about the national sport. I mean, lawn darts is a very zen game. There's a lot of philosophy to get into.

I could write for months on "Canadian Cool." For those of you who don't know, Canada is well on its way to being the pop-culture powerhouse of North America. While it's not the top (Saint Lucia is still clinging to first place, but not for long.), it's almost certainly in the top three.