I'm recruiting Jaffa for my Jaffa Kitty Guard. What you'll get:
- Superior Equipment: Yeah, you'll have all that. Check out this schematic done by my very own apprentice, William la Puerta: . I think the picture says it all.
- Health care: the kitten I'll implant in you will keep you alive and healthy for a long, long time. When that kitten grows up, it will be replaced at no cost with another kitten. You don't need to be part of a PMO or HMO or XKCD or any other kind of health insurance pyramid scheme. Your kitten will be your primary health care provider. I even drew you a picture of how it works: . If you look carefully, you'll notice that my apprentice has a slightly better drawing program than I do.
- Bragging rights: Think of the elitest fighting forces in the world: the Cape Verde Coast Guard, The Icelandic Air Defense System, and The Couple of Dudes in Berkeley Who Enforce the Nuclear Free Zone. The will have nothing on the Jaffa Kitty Guard. You'll be more awesomer in every possible way. Your superior training, equipment, leadership, and fanatical devotion to me will let you pawn those knobs any day of the week.
- Cash Reimbursements: That's right, I'll pay you back for all Jaffa-related expenses. You go to Fry's or whatever passes for your local electronics store, buy your armor and staff weapon, and send me the receipts. I'll send you some cold, hard cash to cover your bill.
- Jaffa Education: You'll be going to Jaffa College before you ever hit the battle zone. I'm still working on a curriculum, though. Stay tuned for that.