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The Cat Speaks
Miss Kitty's Words of Wisdom
Jaffa Studies Assistant Professor 
27th-Apr-2008 03:51 pm
Jaffa kree!

Jaffa Studies Assistant Professor

(Jaffa Community College)

Final Filing Date: May 26, 2008 by 4:00 a.m.

Jaffa Community College is now accepting applications for a full-time, tenure-track Jaffa Studies Assistant Professor. This assignment begins Fall 2008 (Augustish).


Annual salary is expected to range from $38,004 to $153,548, depending on education, experience, and success in battle. Benefits include health care, plunder, a stylish set of armor, and all the Jaffa bars you can eat.

Description of Position

This is a full-time position with the Department of Jaffa Studies at the Fremont campus of Jaffa Community College. Teaching assignments will come from among Jaffa Studies courses such as Shouting, Marching, Milling About With Intent, Jaffa Math, Kitty Petting, Kitty Grooming, Jaffa Religion, and Stomping.

Duties and Responsibilities

  1. To provide classroom instruction in accordance with approved course outlines of record
  2. To prepare and grade class assignments, live-fire drills, and examinations and inform students of their academic and moral progress progress
  3. To post and maintain adequate and regular office hours
  4. To participate in departmental and college-wide professional development activities
  5. To participate in other college-wide professional activities such as committee service, college governance, curriculum development, and military operations
  6. To inform students of course requirements, evaluation procedures, attendance requirements, and how cute Miss Kitty is
  7. To maintain necessary attendance, scholastic, disciplinary, and loyalty records and submit them in accordance with college guidelines

Reporting Relationships

This position is in the Jaffa Studies Department and reports to the Dean of Jaffa Arts and Sciences, as well as to your god, Miss Kitty.

Minimum Qualifications

The applicant must possess one or more of the following qualifications.
  1. A valid California Community College Instructor Credential
  2. A master's degree in Jaffa Studies or Jaffa Education
  3. A bachelor's degree in either of the above and a master's degree in Military Science or Religious Studies
  4. The equivalent (if you are applying for equivalency, please include a page explaining how you meet the California minimum qualifications for Jaffa Studies)

Desirable Qualifications

  1. A broad background in Jaffa studies, to include groveling, stomping, marching, shooting things, kreeing things, kitty petting, and veneration of your god, Miss Kitty.
  2. Experience teaching a range of developmental Jaffa studies courses (elementary stomping through intermediate milling about with intent), and preferably some first-level transfer courses such as introductory kreeing theory and blowing stuff up. Typically, more than 50% of the annual teaching assignment will be developmental classes.
  3. Ability and willingness to modify personal teaching style based on current research in effective teaching strategies.
  4. Ability to lead and willingness to support program improvement through collaborative assessment of student learning, staff development, staff weapon development, curriculum development, and military conquest.
  5. Experience, training, or expertise in dealing with the learning difficulties of students in basic and intermediate Jaffa studies courses.
  6. Experience, training, or expertise in dealing with heretics, spies, and insurgents within and outside of the classroom.
  7. Ability to facilitate effective Jaffa studies learning in the classroom, including experience utilizing alternate modes of instruction such as tutoring, small group, individualized instruction, and live-fire situations.
  8. Ability to connect personally with students and to build a classroom environment that supports students emotionally and religiously as well as academically and militarily.
  9. Ability and willingness to integrate new technology (computers, Nintendo Wii, distance education, the FGM-172 SRAW missile system, etc.) into the curriculum.
  10. Ability and willingness to work with a diverse group of colleagues in committees, the Jaffa Studies department, the college as a whole, and military operations.
  11. Demonstrated sensitivity to, and ability to work with, diverse racial, ethnic, gender, disabled, and cultural populations; and a commitment to working on institutional reforms that deal with student access and diversity issues.

Selection Procedure

  1. Applications will be screened to insure the applicant meets the minimum qualifications as stated in the job announcement.
  2. Applicants will be investigated to insure that the applicant is not a spy of another Goa'uld.
  3. Those candidates who meet the minimum qualifications and possess the highest rating of desired job-related qualifications, or those judged to be spies, will be invited to the future site of the college at their own expense for the week of July 16, 2008. Such an interview is a prerequisite to employment. Spies will be executed.
  4. After completion of the above three steps, up to five (5) applicants will be invited to return for an interview with the College President and your god, Miss Kitty. Final interviews are scheduled for the week of July 23, 2008.
  5. Your god, Miss Kitty, will make the final decision.

How and Where to Apply

To be considered for this position, a completed application packet must be received in Miss Kitty's cute little paws by 4:00 a.m. May 26, 2008. No faxed or e-mailed materials will be accepted. The application packet will be mailed to you upon request, either by writing to Your God, Miss Kitty; Jaffa University; Fremont, CA 94538, or by downloading it from thecatspeaks.com/JCC/jobs.html. The submission of a complete application packet is the responsibility of the applicant. Incomplete or late packets will not be accepted.

A complete application packet consists of the following materials:
  1. A cover letter expressing your desire to work for Jaffa College and your overwhelming urge to venerate your god, Miss Kitty
  2. Jaffa College Application for Employment form, Academic
  3. Supplemental Job Information Questionnaire
  4. Resume
  5. Copy of college transcript(s)
  6. Copy of military campaign log(s)
  7. Supporting documentation for equivalency, if qualifying under #4, Minimum Qualifications
  8. A tin of unagi

General Information

Jaffa College will open in late 2008 in as the newest campus of the Ohlone Community College District, which currently includes the Ohlone Community College main campus in Fremont, California and the Ohlone Community College extension in Newark, California. Jaffa College will be constructed on the shattered, burned-out remains of the Ohlone main campus after a short but brutal campaign to control the ground. Jaffa College will be fully accredited and will offer transferable Jaffa Studies and Military Science programs. The college is expected to serve upwards of 2,000 day and evening students.

While you may not be able to tell, the Ohlone Community College District is a Drug-Free workplace. The District will verify that all new employees are either U.S. citizens or aliens authorized to work on Earth and capable of evading detection by Earth authorities. Potential employees should know that smoking will be punishable by death on any District facility. Jaffa don't smoke.

28th-Apr-2008 01:58 am (UTC)
Why do I get the feeling that a packet full of junk mail inserts would work just as well, providing item #8 were in place?
30th-Apr-2008 04:21 am (UTC)
Wait, you mean I spent all that time putting together an application packet, and all I really had to do was write up a junk mail insert that says, "You too could teach Jaffa Studies! Come to intermittently sunny Fremont, California! Shoot things! Kree a lot! Just write down your name and glue a tin of unagi to this pre-paid insert and return it to your god, Miss Kitty"? Dangit!
28th-Apr-2008 02:46 am (UTC)
I'm going to apply! I am a very good groomer, and used to live on Colonel Robert Magaw Place, so I have military experience. Also, I am funky, but not smoking.
30th-Apr-2008 04:24 am (UTC)
Hmmm... You realize that the whole "health care" thing that I've promised my Jaffa comes from them having kitties in their tummies, right? I mean, I guess that could work. We'd just need to find a small enough kitty.

What's your teaching philosophy?
10th-May-2008 07:48 pm (UTC)
I just saw this job ad! I have super-secret military service that I can't tell you about and lots of experience giving treats to kitties and cooking food for cats. I'm sure that I could learn how to poach or cook fish and unagi quite easily. Most importantly, I know when to admire a cat from a distance and when to pet a cat. Oh, and I like to blow things up.
11th-May-2008 10:52 pm (UTC)
Send that application packet in!
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